It is for the best that I returned from New Mexico this autumn, I know that. It is for the best that I made my dad that last pineapple upside down cake and saw him for his 80th birthday, it is for the best that we saw each other on Thanksgiving. It is for the best that I didn't come home from school break with plans to see him on Christmas only to find I was one day too late. And of course it is for the best that J and I continue to live in the same time zone as one another, whichever one that ends up being.
Absolutely. No regrets. I see the beauty in the outcome of being here now.
Still, I find my thoughts drifting to the desert tonight where my almost-classmates are meeting my Teacher for the first time as he begins instructing for the last two quarters — a meeting that comes with a great deal of anticipation and excitement — and I can picture the scene so clearly it might as well be streaming live on the internet (though I'm thankful that it's not).
"All is unfolding as it should" a friend who is currently at the school wrote to reassure me. Yes, the universe has always shown this to be the case. Yet even as I see the unfolding, I struggle to have faith in its outcome. Or perhaps it's myself I lack faith in — and this, my Teacher warns, is true sin.
8 comments:
I'm sorry I did not read the post about your father sooner,M.
I know that you will sift the sad from the happy take only light memories on your journey.
Namaste.
I was thinking the other day that if you had been away in NM that you mightn't of seen your Dad much this fall.
so sorry for your loss
true sin...lack of faith in oneself.
now that's something to ponder in the new year!
Karen, his actual words were that "not loving yourself" is true sin, but I think loving yourself and having faith in yourself are one and the same!
Indians find the concept of being born with "original sin" very difficult to comprehend (and depressing).
Thank you Margie and Dinahmow!
~lack of faith in oneself is true sin~
Of course we should know this to be true with every cell of our being, but sometimes it gets lost in our dealings with the mundane and ordinary.
I've been reading your entries since you traveled your solo pilgrimage eastward. I confess I had an eager anticipation of what would unfold. Although I never imagined the transitioning of your Dad, I had a sense that you yourself would be sharing an enormous transition with us.
The images that you include in this particular blog entry, for me, demonstrate the weight of your transition. I continue to have an appreciation and gratitude for all you bring here. I am especially content with the warning of your teacher that true sin is lack of faith in self.
you always write so beautifully from your heart dear Uma! hugging you across the ocean!
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