I Prefer to Call it a Midlife Opportunity. Part Six: Learning Things the Best Way

"You are that vast thing that you see far, far off with great telescopes." — Alan Watts

I can't believe I'm still writing this series, and I can't believe you're still reading it. I promised "a little" background information and gave you quite a bit (though far from all. Maybe there is a memoir in me, but I'd like to get through a few more chapters first!). Thanks for your encouragement and insights. I don't think of my own life as being any more interesting or exciting than anyone else's. Every person has a story to tell. The trick is in recognizing the path that stretches out behind you, and finding the cohesive narrative in it. I don't believe anything about our lives is completely random. Nor do I think we're ruled by fate with no free will over our own destiny. "Believe in the holy contour of life" Kerouac advises. Try to view the past, however painful or exhilarating, with non-attachment. Bow to it respectfully without clinging to it. The past is behind us, and no longer exists. The future is in front of us, and doesn't exist either. This practice should lessen two emotions that tend to paralyze us: regrets about the past and worry about the future. Best to get rid of those two and make more room in your heart for cultivating wonder, awareness, and enthusiasm.

It's easy for me to write these things, but I wouldn't be working on this series of posts if I weren't personally struggling with putting the concept into practice. Here we are at the present and I find myself approaching a fork in the road with some trepidation, clinging to the past and the identity of self that I associate with it, and concerned about a future I certainly can't predict. I want to make the right choices and live up to whatever my full potential turns out to be, not just plod along on path of least resistance because I made it this far and it's "not bad."

I enjoy parts of my job, but that enjoyment ends at 5:00. I definitely don't go home at night and read books about graphic design and marketing. If I went back to school, it wouldn't be to study either topic, but to pick up where I left off 2 decades ago. Does that mean I'm ungrateful for my career in the same way I might have seemed ungrateful for the opportunity to be in college back when I was 19? Am I someone for whom nothing is quite good enough? Or does it mean I have a different path to follow that won't leave me in peace until I acknowledge it? Or does it mean that my career and my passion are going to be two separate things and that's ok?

My yoga teacher smiles so broadly from the depth of her being that her eyes close. "We already have the answers to all of our questions inside of us" she says, holding up her hand palm out and turning it slowly around, palm in. "Our answers are right there on the the other side of the question."

On Thursday I leave for a 4 day metta meditation and kirtan retreat at Kripalu while J holds down the fort at home. I don't have any particular expectations for it, since I've never done such a thing. But it certainly comes at a good time. I've decided not to bring my laptop, but I've scheduled some posts for the end of the week that have to do with the practice of metta (kindness), as well as some videos I hope you'll find inspiring.

Before I go, I'm thinking about enrolling in an online continuing education class, "Understanding Hindu Identity" via The Oxford Center for Hindu Studies, a Recognized Independent Centre of the University of Oxford. The next round of 7-12 week courses begins on April 19. I don't think theses courses count towards official college credit, but there will be an optional assessment at the end (based on a 2,000 word essay), and credit or not, maybe it's a starting point towards more formalized study. Or it's just an interesting learning experience. Or it's something that I can't see right now that will surprise me when I do. At 38 I don't mind if I have to continue to learn everything the hard way, but I'd much rather learn everything the best way.